On Relating and Connecting: The Power of the Pause

....and the Evolution of Village Voices

I Want to Take a Pause

We’ve been releasing articles, publishing posts on substack weekly since October and, looking back, I see that we’ve written quite a lot. We’ve explored a variety of topics from Active Listening to Fundraising and I think we can do so much more…by maybe doing less. So, I’m taking a pause to reflect and to see how we can bring some warmth to our newsletters. But before I dive into an article about pausing, I want to take another pause to acknowledge that one of our Village Voices leaders, Christine Francis, who happens to write the Week 1 and 3 issues, was not able to write this week, due to a potential tropical cyclone to hit her area in Brisbane, Australia. We want to thank her for the work she’s done and to say that we, here at Village, are keeping her in our thoughts.

Now, about that pause. I don’t have the best relationship with pausing, waiting, slowing down, or silence… rest, or even sleep. I took one of those assessments this evening, called the Saboteur assessment and apparently I am 87% Restless. I’d really like to bring that down to a 50. So…as I scanned through the list of Week 1 topics, “The Power of the Pause” leaped from the list begging for me to reflect on it.

In an image search, I saw this:

If you’ve never heard of Viktor Frankl, he is a holocaust survivor and wrote a book called “Man’s Search for Meaning” (A very necessary book by the way) so read it for more wisdom like the above. I also saw other quotations about how we must pause before we react, listen before we speak, rest before we quit, breathe before we rage, and reflect before we hate—all fundamentally saying that there is value in that liminal space of nothingness—that empty in-between void. So what is the value of that space and where does this silent power lie?

Pausing in Practice

Pausing is not just about stopping; it’s about intentionally making space. There is allowance for things to emerge — things like clarity, truth, or self-awareness. This emergence can only happen when we allow ourselves to be. We as humans are quite fond of doing. So much so that we sometimes ignore just being. This is why Village gatherings include a Grounding component, and encourage us to bring this practice into our own lives. We value that space to be with ourselves. Because only when we’ve checked in with ourselves can we deeply be with others.

Consider the resonance of a well-timed pause:

• You might decide to take a deep breath before the next sentence — When we pause in conversation, we truly hear what the other person is saying—not just wait for our turn to speak.

• You might think twice before accepting a task or saying yes to that invitation — When we pause in planning, we can ask ourselves: Am I doing this because it matters, or just because I feel like I should or to please others?

• You might stop overthinking a problem and take a walk in nature — When we pause in problem-solving, we open the door to creativity. How many times have you walked away from a tricky situation only to have the solution pop into your mind later?

• You might stop teaching, preaching or talking at someone and ask a clarifying question — When we pause in leadership—whether in our families, our friendships, or our workplaces—we set the tone for patience, thoughtfulness, and presence for community and connection.

This theme of pause keeps coming up for me. In a Limicon session, I was introduced to a game called “The Glass Bead Game”, where I was forced to confront my discomfort and aversion to silences. In the game, everyone has only 1 minute to speak on a topic (the bead). At times I would stop my flow of thought, become too self-conscious and take long pauses. The anxiety of the pause and the time ticking caused more anxiety and as you can imagine, it was mental chaos. What I learned from that experience was that the more I leaned into the pause – the more I accepted that pause, the more I was able to receive and to just let things come up. I wasn’t fighting the pause, I was embracing it. And that broke that tense cycle of verbal tripping.

And what eventually emerged in those silences? Clarity of mind. Eventually, I stopped trying to be clever or poetic. I just let my truth flow out of me. Every day since Sunday ( for 4 days), I have been practicing this game with a fellow friend on a chat app where we asynchronously send each other 1 minute voice notes on a chosen bead. Each time, I allow a breath or pause to recharge. Maybe that’s what a pause is. A battery of sorts.

So. I’d love to invite you to pause with me. I know that life can move fast. There’s always another task to complete, another email to answer, another responsibility or project demanding our attention. It’s easy to believe that keeping up—staying in motion—is the key to pleasure, happiness, progress or success. But what if the best moments aren’t the ones we rush through, but the ones we linger in? So let’s slow down, sip our coffee while it’s still hot, laugh a little longer, breathe while waiting in line or a stoplight and let that silent pause do some of the talking.

Food for Thought

1. What are some ways you can take a moment to pause today?

2. How do you feel during silences or lulls in your life?

3. Do you like snails? Why are why not?