Your Questions Answered: February Q&A
Pitching Village, Pitching In & Setting the Village Vibe
New and prospective Village builders often wonder, “What’s the best way to tell friends and neighbors about Village Gatherings?” And when starting a Village, “What vibe contributes to building, cohering, and sustaining the gatherings?”
Here are some suggestions!
Q1: How can I pitch Village?
“We are all in sales”, according to Daniel H. Pink in his book, To Sell is Human. Few of us are in traditional “sales” jobs and yet we are often persuading, influencing, and convincing others. This can seem like manipulation, especially when we’re pursuing a personal benefit or agenda. How does it feel when we believe that what we’re pursuing can benefit others as well as ourselves?
This is the beauty of pitching Village: you are inviting people to connect with others, strengthen community, encourage creativity, and to belong to a co-created safe space (see question #3 for suggestions on how to do this well).
When persuading people to try Village gatherings:
Ask questions: find out what people are wanting for their neighborhood, the people who live around them, who’s interested in the same things they are.
Describe the experience: you can tell a story about a memorable Village gathering, to make it personal. Describe what you love about gatherings and how you have changed in positive ways from the experience.
Keep it simple, and a bit mysterious: you can list the components of a Village gathering, but it can be confusing how they work. Better to keep it high level and invite people to experience for themselves and see how it works. You can explain that there’s no leader, it’s hosted by community members, and everyone gets a chance to play by taking roles.
Prime people: communicate that the intention is simple: taking time to gather with a focus on getting to know each other through conversation starters. Let people know why it is important to gather, while requesting the honour of their presence. You can prime the first conversations with, “It takes a village to ______.” Either fill in the blank if you know your community well or suggest that the village begins with what this phrase means to each person. This may be a good way to start a village, finding shared values for future gatherings. The structure of VillageCo provides creativity through fun conversation starters like, “What does a village mean to you?”
Q2: Which roles would you recommend I start with?
Village gatherings have two roles that are perfect for taking the first time: Grounding and Acknowledgement
How does the Grounding role work?
When we gather together, things may prevent our minds from being “present”. This word gets a lot of hype, so let’s look at what the word “present” means. To be present means that we bring attention to ourselves, the room or space we’re in, the people around us, and our intention to spend time together. We’re not at work, having to solve a problem. For the moment we’re where we need to be and with the people we want to be around.
Some people may be suspicious of any “grounding practices”, relating it to a spiritual movement or people seeming to be out of touch with reality. If you feel this is present in the room, you can explain that it helps bring relaxation and reduce stress.
Scientific research has shown that, when we breathe deeply into our bellies, hold it for a few seconds, then exhale fully, it can bring profound relaxation and calm. Another technique, with our eyes closed or open, is to feel the sensation of the chair we’re sitting on, the floor beneath our feet, the temperature of the air, the sounds we hear, the lights in the room or space we’re in, anything to bring our attention to the setting around us. You can end this kind of practice by asking everyone to, “Open your eyes and look around at the people, who are taking time to gather, and be here with you at this moment.”
How does the Acknowledgement role work?
To understand the concept of “acknowledging” something, let’s look at the intention, or purpose, for this role: Asking people to pay attention to something we might take for granted or rarely stop to think about. These might be caregivers who might go unthanked, unequal access to basic resources, unfair social structures, the differences in socioeconomic conditions, health, or physical abilities … the list is endless.
Some things we want to acknowledge are out of our control and it’s important to acknowledge that as well. We are caring people and some acknowledgements can be a bit heavy so it's important, especially for the host, to notice if people are affected and to hold space for emotions and thoughts that come up within the group. It might be something to share in one of the community connections or in the open space. We can also celebrate by bringing attention to what is going well, the things that support us all; we can acknowledge the amazing contributions made by others, the unfortunate circumstances of many, and the collective desire for all life to thrive.
You can suggest that each person acknowledge a positive aspect of their health, something I think we all take for granted; to acknowledge caregivers we each know, who would appreciate a sincere thank you. To acknowledge that we’re all doing the best we can and to practice self compassion. While it’s important to bring awareness to any injustice in the world, it’s also important to acknowledge that acknowledgements may be uncomfortable, and that’s okay.
Q3: How can I set the vibe at a Village Gathering?
Ah, this is an excellent question, I’m so glad you asked! If you are anxious that “enough people” show up and “have a good time”, then that anxiety will be felt as “a vibe”, whereas if you are joyful that anyone showed up and that each person has their own unique experience of the time, then that joy will be felt as “a vibe”. Which “vibe” would you want to experience, as a participant?
If you are hosting a gathering, you influence the vibe tremendously. Any expectation you have about the outcome will influence that vibe. If you feel that people must enjoy themselves and feel good about the gathering so that they want to come back, that will influence the vibe and, paradoxically, not in a good way.
The best vibe you can bring is your joy in simply seeing people gathering and connecting however they will and in any number. And knowing that the structure is there to support you and the gathering. There is no outcome needed, only your joy at seeing the people willing to show up, connecting, and talking with each other.
It may seem odd, but if you can consider yourself as not directly responsible for people’s enjoyment at a gathering, that’s even better! You did your best beforehand to set the date, the time, the place, the chairs, send the invites … all these wonderful things you did influence the vibe. Whether people enjoy being with each other is ultimately not your responsibility. You can observe and be curious, and maybe make a small change for next time … the things you can influence directly.
One thing that is in your control is being aware of tension in the room. If someone is monopolizing the gathering or turning it to their agenda, maybe their idea of something they think would be better to do together, then you can take, what author Priya Parker in her book The Art of Gathering, calls “generous authority”; combining the right mix of warmth and order. Each situation is unique – maybe you genuinely thank the person for their energy and suggest attention be shared with someone else who wants to contribute. Or thank them for their ideas for something better to do and offer to talk about it after the gathering, maybe there are things we can do differently next time, or plan an “engagement gathering”. Maybe they would like to take a role next time? As host, assume good intentions while protecting the gathering so that people can enjoy their time together.
All of this helps people feel safe and allows for collective problem solving. Even when things seem to be “going wrong” and you think you’re “making a mess of things”, remember to take a deep breath and take joy that you’re trying, knowing that everyone is enjoying their time together.
Food For Thought
What does “grounding” and “acknowledgement” mean to you?
What does “generous authority” feel like to hold, as a host? As a participant at a gathering?
What vibe do you want to experience at the gathering? Is it different from the vibe others are wanting to experience?